changes
Sooo, I haven't posted in a while. I sorry.

I quit my job today. It was a long time coming, and despite having really nothing lined up and an entirely open future, it's a good thing, whatever happens.

Unfortunately I don't have a great deal of support from parents, other than the basics (you know, food, shelter, laundry), but I'm not surprised and it's nothing new. Both of them have had hard lives in their own way and are allowed to look out for themselves as anyone would. Beyond 18, they have zero responsibility for what I do or don't do. I get it. I'm 30 and apart from several trips to California, and one abroad to London (and various other places in the distant past) haven't done or experienced much of anything I would enjoy bringing up in polite conversation. I take responsibility for that. I've made a lot of progress and learned a lot after so many mistakes, but apart from little things, haven't made many big steps. I've been afraid, or unsure, or shy, and not confident, and ignored advice by friends and acquaintances time and again for no concrete reason in particular. I've been a bad person. I started off being mistreated and misunderstood, and followed that up by mistreating and misunderstanding myself. It's easy to do when you feel like I've hit a bottom, no one cares or really understands, and nothing is going to get me out of it. I think, in a way, I have a part of me that would rather go down in flames and prove myself correct than to do what it takes to make it and have a life. I understand that. Soon the test will come and I'll see what direction I take. I'll see what I'm made of. I'm scared, but everyone goes through this, I guess. I'm just a bit late. Hopefully not too late..